Personal

  • I Finally Got Promoted.

    I Finally Got Promoted.

    You see I’ve waited all my life… for this moment to arrive. Yes friends, I finally got promoted. *cries* Since most of you already know the story and I really don’t want to get into the details (some are already blurry anyway), I will keep this short.

    I always dreaded the end of July, when promotions are released at work. I would cry and drown myself in self-pity every year since 2013 or 2014 (not sure). My heart broke each time I saw the “list” without my name on it. Eventually, I had to stop looking. I stopped congratulating others and pretended it was just an ordinary day. I learned to plug my ears and fake my smiles. Rude, but it hurt that much.

    Year after year, friends and colleagues went up the corporate ladder. Some resigned and got better offers elsewhere. On the other hand, I was stuck, on the same level that I’ve been in since I first got this job.

    The first couple of years were especially hard. I literally sobbed all day: after waking up, while taking a shower, during my commute (yes, even in public transport), and before going to sleep. Maybe I was immature or I might have overreacted, or my hormones were all over the place. I don’t know. Ang alam ko lang masakit.

    The sadness inevitably turned into bitterness and anger. I felt the never-ending need to prove myself. To prove that I was better. That I deserved that spot.

    Even though I was spiraling, I was willing to do everything to stop feeling that way:

    I started with my hair. Different color: I dyed it light brown. Different hairstyle: crewcut, semi-kalbo, and even a perm, a.k.a. Cedie hair.

    I joined company events. Became an organizer of sports and charity events. I met other employees (some with the same promotion stories as mine) and became friends with them.

    I joined acting and theater workshops to have an outlet for my emotions. I even gained more friends and widened my circle outside work, which was a nice bonus.

    I enrolled in drawing lessons to feed my damaged ego. To feel the validation of at least being good, or better, at something.

    I shopped a lot. Duh.

    I took voice lessons. It was way out of my comfort zone but something I have always wanted to do.

    I traveled. I broadened my perspective by seeing and experiencing different places. Cliche, I know, but it made me realize that I’m just a speck of dust (or even littler) in this vast universe.

    Name it, I said yes to it, I did it. Zumba, yoga, dancing lessons, networking, everything.

    I also prayed a lot. I’ve memorized the Serenity Prayer and all other prayers that granted wishes. I cried each night asking God to make everything stop; I almost quit my job. I just wanted to escape everything: the insecurity, disappointment, and all of these other negative emotions. I thought of joining the others who have left company and, regardless of the risks, start over in a new environment.

    I just wanted to stop feeling sad and bitter.

    I just wanted to be happy.

    Anyway, I didn’t resign but I transferred to a slightly different post. Little by little, I was able to move on. I focused on what my purpose was: to help people in the organization. I wanted to be of value and not just someone who aims promotions.

    My various activities helped. Theater and voice lessons thought me how to recover. One bad performance won’t define me forever. I just had to do my best the next time and the next after that.

    Occasionally, I still felt sad and insecure about not being promoted. Like times when people would assume that I was already holding a higher position. Or when younger and newer employees would get promoted before me. Or when people I help get promoted again and again.

    I’m not gonna lie. My wounds are still healing but for the time being, I am happy and content.

    My career came to a full circle in the last two years. The people I dealt with were the same people I met in either my early years in the company or in my many “extra-curricular” activities in the office. It made it easier for me to interact with them and accomplish what we were supposed to do. My job was also familiar as it was similar to my first job. The knowledge and wisdom I gained through the years helped me become what I am now. I get teary eyed when I think about it.

    I guess my stars aligned this time.

    Thank you to everyone who was part of this journey. Thank you.

  • That Time I Overpaid My Phone Bill _ _ _ _ Times More

    That Time I Overpaid My Phone Bill _ _ _ _ Times More

    ,

    It was one of those slow Tuesday mornings. It was a Tuesday. I know ’cause I don’t pay any bill on a Monday. Kasi lalabas ang pera buong linggo. Just being careful, that’s all. Little did I know that I would make the biggest and major major financial mistake of my life.

    Venus Raj
    Yes Venus, it’s major major.

    So like the title states: I overpaid my phone bill. “Overpaid” is an understatement because I paid _ _ _ _ more than what’s required. To add a little mystery, I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

    I was paying through my online bank account. I didn’t have the actual bill so I just referred to a text message my dad sent me. I logged in and went to the bills payment module. The system sent me an one-time-password (OTP) and I input it in the site. I entered the payment details and clicked “Submit.” “Are you sure you want to proceed?” the pop-up window said. I clicked “OK” ’cause I was so sure.

    My phone beeped. A text message. Hmm… I wonder who it was. Nobody had been texting me (since forever!) so it was either my telco, my bank or a mayor planning to run as senator greeting me Merry Christmas.

    (more…)

  • Likes and Other Forms of Validation

    Likes and Other Forms of Validation

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    Have you ever counted the number of likes your Facebook and Instagram posts get? I do but I count only those that matter.

    Call it petty and shallow, or a non-existent first world millennial problem. Whatever. The number of likes matters to me. Likes of people that matter to me that is.

    As a blogger, getting likes is important but whether I get ’em or not, I still need to do what I need to do. It’s good to have likers that aren’t people I know. I feel that they’re more objective and aren’t just liking because they know me or I told them so.

    I may not get more than 10 likes in all the posts in my newsfeed combined but when certain friends do take literally a second give me a thumbs up, I am at peace. I get the energy to blog again. It makes me feel I have an army of supporters rallying behind. Then again, these likes come rarely.

    I’m not gonna lie. I do feel sad when I don’t find their likes in my posts especially those that seemed to have “trended”. A part of me expects but I only find myself…well, disappointed. But yeah, I do what I gotta do.

    In a world where interaction can be done with just a click or tap of a finger, friends don’t necessarily see each other physically anymore. And with the traffic, need I say more. The only means of letting your friends know that “yeah, I’m still your friend and I hear you.” (without messaging) is liking their posts.

    Giving likes is the same as giving small compliments. Nice dress! Got a new haircut? I can’t wait for your next work.

    Always be generous ’cause you’ll never know who needs ’em.

  • My Greatest Achievement

    My Greatest Achievement

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    I remember when I told my mom that I was accelerated from grade 6 to first year high school. I whispered the news as we are about to shut our garage gates. I saw her face and how it lit up. I knew she was proud and happy. Everybody was. And I also was. Genuinely happy. Secretly, of course. We didn’t have Facebook then.

    I miss feeling proud of what my hard work can actually achieve. I miss the feeling of making people proud without the need to try too hard.  When I didn’t need to calculate and validate my every move. I miss crying tears of joy, being overwhelmed by happiness that you need to express it in the most ironic way possible.

    My greatest achievement was when I was accelerated from grade 6 to first year high school, and it all went downhill from there. After that, everything became a competition.

    My greatest achievement happened in grade 6 and it’s okay. It’s okay to hold on to that. That place in my heart and memories where I was proud and genuinely happy.

  • Little Acts of Discrimination Hurt

    Little Acts of Discrimination Hurt

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    Little acts of discrimination hurt. Yeah. They actually do. Especially if they come from people you care about the most. Not necessarily people who you least expect. But people you consider friends, family or maybe, something in between.

    Little acts of discrimination is not exactly fatal but they are toxic in their own way. Toxic as in it slowly kills you nonetheless. It burns out that little faith you have left. Faith that keeps you believing that if you are at least nice and kind, people will treat you the same. Not differently.

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